Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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