You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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