Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
