I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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