I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
