Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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