Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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