there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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