you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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