I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
