i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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