I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dignity is for republicans.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
