dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
