he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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