I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She even gives head with a lisp.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
