Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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