I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
