You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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