break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
