Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
