Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
