my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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