I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
