My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
