Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The ass gains better be worth it
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