Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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