You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
