i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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