just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
