possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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