Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
