see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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