you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
