I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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