OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
