dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
