woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think my moral compass just broke
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
