I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
