Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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