Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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