i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
