I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had to cum in my sink.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
