I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
