Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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