At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
