her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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