ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
