my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
