The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
