The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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