So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
