Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
